Tag Archives: moving on

It’s Over….


Don’t jump to conclusions…because you would be completely wrong.  However, today, after fifteen years of a relationship built on give and take, flexibility and positive outcomes, I had to move on.  Things changed about two months ago.  In fact,  I was given less than ample warning that we would not be seeing one another anymore.  I was told that we’d still keep in touch and nothing would really change. But, you know how that goes, everything changes.  I tried to keep going and figure that the changes wouldn’t affect me and I could change and it wouldn’t be different. But it was so different.  So, today, I decided when I woke up, that I would take control of my life and I would find someone else, and that over time, it would be okay.  I left my old nail technician behind (after she left me) and found someone else.  My FHB said, after I called him to tell him that I made the change, in a somewhat sarcastic, snotty tone, ” well, that must have been really difficult” and I could hear the eyes roll and the smirk although we were about forty miles apart.  I remember being incredibly supportive when my FHB broke up with his barber after 30 plus years.  His barber (who was in Providence, Rhode Island which is about 30 minutes away) gave him a hard time when my FHB was eight minutes late to the appointment.  After that incident, which was really the straw that broke the camel’s back as they say, he decided to move on.  He started to go to someone locally and it seems like a good fit.

We form relationships with people who see us when we are vulnerable, perhaps not feeling good about ourselves,  and need something they can offer like a great mani/pedi or a good haircut.  They solve what may be a momentary feeling of self -yuckiness and restore of feelings of looking good and feeling good.  It has to be a trusting relationship, after all they are putting hands on you and it should be something that meets your goals and makes you feel better.  My person, was someone who I didn’t plan to get involved with.  In my line of work, I am listening to people all day trying to be helpful and direct them toward good self care, and so on.  So, when I started to go to this nail salon, I thought to myself that we should just keep it cordial, no deep conversations, and certainly not exchange any type of feelings positive or negative. That would be too much like work.  So I played it cool and kept the conversation to a minimum.  I thought it was like being a waitress and doing that “don’t give them eye contact” thing that they do when you need something like water if you are choking silently and putting up your hand and they don’t “see” you.  Then I found out that this person was delightful and had a lot to say and we could talk about movies and recipes and families and we could have a regular meeting every two weeks. It was the perfect “faux” friendship except that I always paid.

Fifteen years later, she moved on.  I can’t blame her.  There is more out there for her and I get it.  However, what or who she left behind, left a lot to be desired. I did not feel cherished or cared about.  I didn’t matter. I was just another customer and that was not okay. I gave it a good try but it just didn’t work out. I became critical and I saw the place for what it was, not the people, just a business.  Today, I went somewhere else.  I was pleasant but not revealing.  I was there to get my nails done and they look good.  It is the standard I expect.  I paid and got what I paid for.  I came home and put my hand in front of my FHB’s face and asked him how it looked. He said “It looks like your hand”.  Good thing he’s funny.  Good for him, that is.

P.S.  The shoes showed up.  Clearly hiding from me.  The sunglasses have not yet revealed themselves.