Love and Marriage and Laughter


“I love to laugh
Loud and long and clear
I love to laugh
It’s getting worse every year
The more I laugh, the more I fill with glee
And the more the glee
The more I’m a merrier me”
Mary Poppins “I Love to Laugh” , 1964
I love to laugh…but apparently I am not all that attractive when I laugh. so indicated by  the disapproving look on my FHB’s face.  I’m a barker and a snorter.  I am also a silent, shoulder and full body shaking laugh-er.  This evening there was a conversation during which something my FHB said catapulted me in a full hyena-like laughing fit.  The louder I became, the more incensed the look. It was a like a seesaw of laughter and irritation.  As I sit here and type, I am just about hitting the keys and recalling how wonderful it felt to just “fill with glee”.
Oh, that seesaw of married life….it can be a challenge.  Some days it is like driving on cruise control. It is automatic and regulated and the wind is in your face and hair and then the hair is in your mouth, and you start spitting because it’s gross and you’re making noises and the moment of harmony is gone with the wind.  Those are the moments when the laughter takes over.  Usually it is only funny to me and I just can’t stop.  Then all of a sudden my FHB is looking at me with a grin, trying to look like a grade school principal when the class clown is in front of him.  That moment when the clown knows he owns that moment.  That’s the moment that love reframes the annoyance and life goes on.  The clown wins the point.
The other morning, we actually left the loft at the same time.  My FHB locked the door and I walked ahead down the hall to hail the elevator.  In the morning it is often a wait.  When my FHB arrived at the elevator he looked down at me and said “Hey, cuteness, if my English teacher had looked like you I would have paid more attention”.  From 4’11″(me) to 6′ (him) I looked up shyly and beamed inside and out.  I carried that moment with me all day.  I was shielded by anything negative by that moment.
I don’t watch much television.  However, the television is on much of the time and somehow through some kind of synthesis, I have a sense of what is going on.  I try to corral my FHB when I get home, in an attempt to engage him in conversation about the world news, his work, or maybe tell him about my work.  He doesn’t ask because I usually preempt these moments by blathering on.  He begins to make a weak attempt at feigning twenty seconds of interest and then he goes into some type of suspended animation and barely blinks and his face turns back to the television.  The commercials are apparently far more interesting than my conversation.  That does not stop me once I am on a roll.  I am actually never offended since part of my oratory is my own need to just “drive” the conversation along, and he is like an inflatable dummy in the passenger seat.  The often surprising weird moments are when he references something I had said during one of my monologues, and I realize that he can listen and actually hear me.  I don’t acknowledge this because that might make these moments cease, so I just keep a mental note (book) and smile to myself.
On the nights that I write, he goes to sleep before me.  I often feel the need, when I take a break between words, to go and check on him and I stand over him and stare. I remember doing that when the kids were very little. It made me secure to watch the regularity of their breaths and comforted me. It’s similar with my FHB.  Earlier,  I just went in to take a look and get that feeling of comfort and then one eye opened, and he hissed at me…”What the hell are you staring at?”  I back away, snorted in laughter and thought to myself , he really loves me.

4 thoughts on “Love and Marriage and Laughter

  1. Janet Pfeiffer

    Keep writing, Barbara. I love your blog! I read it regularly even if I never comment. So many times your thoughts are right in line with mine and your write with humor and don’t take yourself too seriously!



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