Candles and Cake


img_1700Happy Birthday to my FHB!  He is known by many other monikers, Daddy-o, Saba,  and The Big Guy.  He reluctantly accepts a bit of fuss about his birthday, and tries to shy away from the attention, but the truth be known, I know that he feels the love inside, despite the outward resistance and eye-rolling.  He also loves his birthday cake which this year was particularly good, lemon with whipped cream.  Pretty predictable, that man,and that’s  just fine.  Getting older, versus getting old is always a bone of contention.  One you embrace and the other you hope is still 25 years away.

My FHB and I are very different people.  Beyond the obvious, I am a foot or more shorter than he is, and he has brown eyes and I have blue ones.  He also has a beard, and gratefully, I do not.  He is someone people remember, and I am someone who believes that I am invisible.  We have diverse interests, he likes sports and television and I would rather be at the dentist than watch sports on television.  He can sit and just be and I don’t sit down for too long and scurry around like the White Rabbit.  He hates board games and cards and we once had a huge disagreement when I coerced him into a game of Scrabble and we battled about whether “paints” is a word when you add the “S”.  I know it does not make any sense but we never played again and I have been told, we will never, ever, play that again. He hates scary movies or movies about deep family issues and states that I just watch them because they are reminiscent of my work.  Probably true.   I am corny and silly and can talk in many voices (not languages).  I am obnoxious at times and despite trying to convince him that this is part of my charm, the eyes roll and he sighs.  It does not stop me from doing it again, of course. That is the essence of being obnoxious.  He is precise and thoughtful when undertaking a project. He mulls things over and keeps a lot of thoughts inside.  He is quiet but observant.  He is many things I wish I could be, but know that I am not.  That is part of the balance of our relationship.

On the plus side, we both love music and nature and current events (although some current, current events are just too painful to discuss).  We enjoy travel both exotic and local and can make an adventure out of something simple, like the search we do every fall for the perfect and most delicious cider donut.  We are both creative but not competitive despite his need to give me a second opinion on something I believe is just fine the way it is.  We are both one another’s sounding board and critic and sometimes the best time is spent not talking but just sitting with silence, in a place that feels safe and familiar, listening to the traffic outside our loft or at the ocean listening to the rhythm of the the waves.  I shame him to be silly sometimes, because life is far too short to take anything but the most serious situations, too seriously.  His values are my values.  He is very intelligent and that is part of what I connect with.  He knows so many things about so much that a conversation is often a door that I have opened, full of surprises I didn’t know I  could explore and learn from.  When we met, one of the criteria for a partner was my looking for someone I could share a muffin with. It was important to me (albeit weird) to know what part of a muffin he would choose, the top (MINE) or the bottom.  He said that we could split it in half and he would be content with either.  It was a pivotal moment.  Life comes at us and we have no solution for harnessing time.  Sometimes the big things are worth clarifying in a relationship and sometimes you learn to let  little things go.   But his toothbrush is his toothbrush.  I am also pretty sure that adding the “S” to paints is legit.  I’m learning to let go of things like this, can you tell?

So happy birthday to my Big Guy.  He blew out all the candles (we extrapolated so as not to set off smoke detectors).  Now onward to the next one.  Happy to celebrate and I’ll always bake the cake.

See you Friday!


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